


the worst things in life come free to us

by orphan_account



Category: The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:47:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26125213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Cordelia gets hurt in battle and James doesn't know what to do with himself.
Relationships: Cordelia Carstairs & James Herondale, Cordelia Carstairs/James Herondale
Comments: 1
Kudos: 53





	the worst things in life come free to us

Some battles were too much to ever forget. Usual demon fights tended to blend together, but greater demons, let alone Princes of Hell, were a lot more memorable. 

So Jamie sat by her bed in the infirmary, reading Cordelia whatever stories he could find that had a happy ending. He wondered how many he could get through before she woke up. If she ever woke up.

He could hope and pray and think about how everything would be fine. But there was no guarantee. He only hoped so that the fear would not consume him yet. It would probably consume him eventually if the tide didn't turn. She was going to be okay, right? She had to be. She will be. It will be better eventually. It will all be okay. _Please let it all be okay._

_Daisy,_ he pleaded, _please don't leave me._ He didn't know who he was pleading to.

James could sit and read and wait but who was he kidding. He was doing nothing. He knew there was nothing he could do but still felt useless.He continued to read. One story after another. Cordelia still lay on the bed asleep, unmoving. Her chest was still rising and falling, the only reassurance that she was still here.

James slammed the book shut. He couldn't take it anymore. He felt a lump rise in his throat as his eyes began to water. He reached forward to grab her hand. "Dammit," he said, blinking back tears, "I'm sorry I brought you into this mess." _I'm sorry for everything._

No reaction. 

“Daisy, please," he murmured out loud without meaning to. Wasn’t talking to comatose people supposed to do something? Help wake them up? James didn’t know, but he needed her to wake up. She couldn’t just be gone. Not like this.

"I still remember when I gave you that nickname," he said. "I didn't think that you'd like it, let alone allow me to keep calling you that for so long. I feel like a lot of people don't think it suits you." He paused, squeezing her hand again. "Maybe it doesn't, but I still don't think I'd know what to do if you told me to stop calling you that."

She deserves so much better, he thought. Maybe if he'd told her to stay behind, to let him go alone. If only he could take her place.

Jamie took a deep breath. He tried to think of something, _anything,_ that might help. Some potion or some rune, some spell to make it so he'd know she'd wake up, that she would be the person he always knew. He wanted to spend more time with her, talk about books and legends, and heaven forbid tea. He wanted to take her on walks around Hyde Park and throughout the streets of London, show her the room the Merry Thieves had at the Devil, and tell her all the stories of Kit's failed experiments and the stupid pranks him and Math had pulled on their friends.

And even though she'd already been, he'd wanted to take her to Paris. So they could sit and talk at cafes and walk along the Champs-Elysees. He wanted to take her to a nice restaurant, with a view of the Eiffel Tower. And he would tell her...

If he ever got the guts to tell her. If she ever woke up to hear.

Why did he realize sooner? Why didn't he just _say it?_

"My Daisy," he said as his eyes began to water once more, "I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was doing." _And now you're hurt and I don't know if you'll wake up and-_

"I don't know what I would do without you." His voice cracked again. "What Lucie or Matthew would do. Or by the Angel, what Alastair would do." A tear rolled down his cheek. "I don't know anything, Daisy." He lifted his gaze from the bed. He could no longer see her like this anymore and hold it together. "But I know if you were gone, I don't think I would recover. I'd miss your laugh and your smile. And the way your face lights up when you talk about the stories you like."

Who was he kidding?

"Daisy, I-" _love you. I don't really know how or when it started, but I do love you. I'm sorry I was stupid and didn't tell you for so long. Maybe if you knew then we wouldn't be in this mess. I know I've said it too much but I'm still so sorry._

"You what?"

He looked over to see Cordelia, gorgeous dark brown eyes half-lidded, but open nonetheless.

James felt his chest tighten as she smiled back at him. His head almost hurt at the sight of it all, as if his own brain had short-circuited so badly he could no longer process what was happening.

"Daisy," he breathed, placing a hand to cradle her cheek.

"My love" slipped out before he even knew he'd been thinking of it.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm very sorry if you made it this far. my writings kinda rusty since i havent posted in a while


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